Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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