I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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