She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
