You can't motorboat a personality
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
