naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
