At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work