champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?