what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.