last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.