it hurts more in the daytime
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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