My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
