It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
