weddingsv make me drug and hornr
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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