Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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