It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
