I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
