well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
