i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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