I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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