I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
