Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
