if i can run in heels then i can drive
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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