its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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