wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need a beard to bite.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
