i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
