Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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