wanna go halves on a baby?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
