One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
