she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
