God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
