I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
