If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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