TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
