Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
