she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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