are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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