paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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