Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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