I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
