I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
