nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
babies were throwing up all over the place
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
