Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In America we eat man semen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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