Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
