she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
