i was born a porn star she said
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
