Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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