For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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