he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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