I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
