I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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