i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
