I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
