I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
