my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
