You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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