I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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