dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
