i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
