I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
