that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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