there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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