How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
