a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
