look no pants
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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