I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
