Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
