Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
