Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
