Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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