idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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