I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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