I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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