i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just pee around me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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