Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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