You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize