i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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