garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
