if only i could text you this smell
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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