God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
