K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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