yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
