Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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