dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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